


Just Because You're Paranoid

by KaRaEa



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Mental Instability, Tangential, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-09 00:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11658144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaRaEa/pseuds/KaRaEa
Summary: Lex knows he's paranoid. Unfortunately, near everyone is out to get him.Or: I got carried away with my Lex feels and wrote sadness.





	Just Because You're Paranoid

He knows he's crazy. He knows it. But his favourite expression has always been 'just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you', and he's not willing to take any chances. Not where Lionel is concerned. His father has always been fond of gaslighting and manipulation and Lex doesn't think he has it in him to surrender to it this time. Not this time.

The unfortunate thing about being paranoid, knowing you're paranoid and also knowing that at least some of the people you interact with are actually trying to drive you crazy, is that it's impossible to get healthy. How can you recover from paranoia when every time you try, another person betrays you? Another person literally tries to kill you?

Why on earth do people find it so unreasonable that he cannot tolerate lies or deception? 

Lex is certain of this: he is crazy. But he's also certain of this: people have tried to murder him or have him murdered on no less than five separate occasions. Two of those people were married to him at the time. Nobody can be trusted.

Which is, in part, why he keeps the room full of Clark. To remind himself of Clark's untrustworthiness, to keep the evidence that this at least is not in his head. 

He sees the hypocrisy, really he does. How can he demand trust from those he cares about when he is unable to trust them in return? But he can't help it. Even when he tries to trust Clark, tries to allow Clark to come to him on his own terms, he can't help but see the ways in which Clark deceives him, and how can he trust a person he knows for a fact is lying to his face?

All of this is, however, irrelevant. Lex is crazy, yes, but it is manageable for the most part. This new fear that cripples him and leaves him questioning his own experiences, is new. Something is wrong. And more than that, someone is trying to kill him. Again.

And so Lex goes to Clark, where else? If there's one thing Clark does with almost as much consistency as lying, it's saving Lex. 

 

Clark finds him. It was always only a matter of time. More than that, Clark believes him, and it means the world.

 

The betrayal is hot and consuming, even though he expected it. Why was Clark helping him all this time if he was just a pawn for Lionel and his partner in murder? It overpowers what little self-control he has left.

 

The asylum is too bright and too loud. Naturally, Lex is practically nocturnal. A life of expensive schools and important business has meant that he's rarely had the chance to indulge outside of a brief few years of deviancy, but he's always preferred the quiet dark of the night to the noise and light of the day. The light leaves him feeling exposed and tense.

He knows that Clark will save him.

Clark always saves him. There is no alternative.

When Clark visits him, he knows with a surety he rarely feels that he won't be in the asylum much longer. Clark will save him.

Clark always saves him. 

 

Until he doesn't.


End file.
